Part of my own personal journey has been learning how to heal from the pain of my past. One of the most devastating events of my life was the loss of my mother who passed away when I was less than a year old. I’ve always felt like I was walking blindly through life with an internal hole that could never be filled. Never knowing my mother left me with feeling like I had no sense of who I was and who I was meant to be. It left me feeling perpetually unsure. This feeling would often creep into both my personal and professional life. It became increasingly clear that I needed to heal that part of me in order to find freedom in all aspects of my life. One day I had a deeply healing moment with my 8 year old daughter. We were talking about loss and I wrote the following about that moment shortly after:
She cried at the thought of losing me. I cried watching her cry. I saw my younger self cry for the mother I lost and would never get back. We hugged afterwards, our bond now even closer. I never got that ending. No closure. Just a hole that would never be filled. Comforting her opened a window for me to comfort the little girl within me that has been waiting her whole life to be healed. To fully morn her loss. To be made whole from everything the world took away from her. Her innocence, her sense of inner freedom, her joy. I am her and she is me. The more deeply I grow to love her, the more deeply I grow closer to loving that part of me that I thought once died. Her eyes are mine, her pain is mine, her tears are mine. All that I ever hoped to be lays at her feet. My past in now my present. My love feeds the future that was never meant for me. It now belongs to her. Her mother’s love is one her mother only briefly got to feel. But it was enough to plant the seed. And while our tears collectively water the flower that blooms within, we know there is beauty in the pain. A beautiful future awaits. It now belongs to her.
You might ask what this has to do with leadership. Remember, the personal is professional and the professional is personal. I know that, without a doubt, I bring parts of my past with me when I show up in the world. I believe that the parts of us that remain unhealed manifest in ways that hinder us from living a life of freedom-a life where we get to fully thrive and where the painful parts of our past no longer hold us hostage in fear of the future. That type of freedom begins with the willingness to be vulnerable and authentic about the parts of our lives that cause us the most pain. The courage to name our pain ensures that the pain no longer has power over us and our lives. Through courage comes healing and through our healing we gain courage. So the questions I leave you with are:
· What part of your life needs healing?
· What are you willing to do to be healed?
· How would that healing change the way you show up in the world?