Welcome to this community space for sharing insights, lessons, and reflections on Leading Ethically, Authentically, and with Purpose! I firmly believe that there is power in sharing. Through the sharing of our moments of vulnerabilities and victories, we quickly learn that we are not alone. More importantly, the more authentic we are about our own fears, doubts, or insecurities, the less power those things have over our lives. So I invite you into this space with the hope that you can be affirmed, encouraged, and inspired.

Leave Room for the Clown

by Karina D.

Over the years I’ve learned to accept change as something supernatural because it literally can morph quickly into its next stage or take hundreds of years to have any type of effect at all. Leadership is similar in the way that us overachievers can have little room for patience and not because we are in a rush but because in a matter of seconds, we have been able to hear a word, fantasize a certain vision and are ready to implement it. But what happens when your circumstances don’t align with your vision? Do you force it or just allow it to take its time? These questions are ones that I ask myself on a daily basis as my imagination has been extremely vivid since I was a child. Everything I ever did was always over the top. I’ll never forget the time my mom asked me to plan my sisters 5th birthday party, I couldn’t wait to send her to school with handwritten invitations!

As the morning of her party came, I woke up early to check on the jello cups I prepared the night before and rushed to finish these bandannas I had painted designs on. I remember it so clearly as I set-up the “party table” with treats, bandannas, cake and snacks. My finishing touches included the decorations and making sure that kids’ music was looping on a cassette I had so diligently recorded from the radio for the infamous musical chairs game later, and of course the Macarena! The only task I had handed off to my mom was to find a clown that could be the entertainment of the party. 

As the children arrived, I greeted them by placing cool handmaid bandannas on their foreheads and offered to give them a quick face paint for the party. Everything was going just as planned, as I looked through the mental agenda I had made of the party, I realized it was time for the clown. The clown arrived laughing and smiling and I rushed the kids to sit on the floor for the show. As the clown began talking it took me a second to realize that he didn’t speak any English and was now performing his entire show in Spanish. As I looked at the confused kids sitting in my living room, I realized they had noticed it too. Not one kid we invited spoke Spanish! My entire plan was doomed, I remember just sinking deeper and deeper thinking to myself how could I have let this happen, it was the one thing my mom had to do. I remember feeling this rain of inadequacy thinking that my sister would go to school on Monday and all the kids would remember her by was her dumb party where they didn’t understand the clown. I obsessed over it the whole weekend as I cleaned up and took down the decorations. Monday afternoon quickly arrived as I was dreading to hear about my sister’s day just anticipating the bullying she had to endure. When my sister came home from school, she surprisingly couldn’t stop talking about the party and how much the kids loved the party! She said that her friends were ranting about it all day in school and the best part of the party – was the CLOWN! How about that?! I had gauged the whole thing from such a negative perspective and what I had perceived as one piece of failure was actually the best part.

This is honestly how I have led the last few years, with ease and flexibility always allowing the silly clown to be the best part. I started my professional career being really rigid and not allowing any room for mistakes or short comings. I quickly became inadequately adequate. And by that, I mean that I had held so strong to perfection that it left no room to be authentic. Leading with authenticity for me means being flexible and allowing the hiccups to turn into opportunities for growth and give it space for some laughter – after all we can take ourselves so seriously right? Where’s the authenticity in that?

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